“Thank God 2020 is finally done.” We’re all ready to put this past year behind us, but will we actually leave it there? As we’re on the doorstep of 2021, here’s one final question to ask yourself. How much time are you spending in the past vs. the amount of time you’re investing focused on your future?
For many of us, the balance between the two is tilted in the wrong direction. Rather than focusing on the future we could be creating, or enjoying the moment we’re in right now, we fixate on our past. We ponder what we’ve lost, the failures we encountered, and what we lost. Could’ve, would’ve, and should’ve become our vocabulary.
As we’re exiting 2020, sliding into this rut can be easy. We each experienced this past year in a unique way. For some, it was a year that brought us loss, stolen opportunities, and closed doors. Relationships and connections may have been strained, and some of the places we had leaned into for our confidence and assurance crumbled. We’re already talking about how 2020 will be unforgettable.
Unforgettable.
2020 will be burned into our memories for years to come. That ability to recall our past can be a positive in our lives. Experiences imprint themselves into our minds, and these memories are valuable. They allow us to relive the best moments in our lives – time with our family and friends, the exhilaration of trying something new, sunrises and sunsets.
Those memories also help us protect us from future danger. We learn as kids, “When I touch that hot stove, I get burned.” Those mental imprints keep us safe and keep us from repeating past mistakes. As we face and endure challenging times in our lives – the experiences that wound and leave scars – those memories help keep us from getting hurt again.
Here’s the problem. Sometimes we spend too much time focused backward on the past and where we’ve been, and we get stuck there. Rather than being in the moment, we live in our past. Instead of imagining a bright future and what could be, we get stuck in what was. We let our minds wander, rewinding all the failures and missed opportunities – the moments where things went off track – and we play those reruns over and over. We fast-forward past the successes and wins, and miss them in the process.
I’m not saying we should ignore what’s behind us – I’m a believer in learning lessons from our past experiences. Before introducing my 2021 goal setting tool, I shared a simple way to create a snapshot of 2020 and all the lessons this year brought us. There is massive value in learning from what happened yesterday – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Our experiences are excellent teachers. A life well-lived is one where our learning never stops.
The challenge, though, is to carry those lessons with you without making them our focus.
Here’s a personal example – my divorce. It was a brutal time in my life. I asked myself almost daily if I’d be able to hold it all together. Every time I looked at my kids, I wondered if they’d make it or how this separation would impact them. I found myself on the edge, with every ounce of energy focused on surviving the day – all while trying to lead and nurture a business that was just an infant at the time. That was my 2020.
I’ll carry that experience of my divorce with me forever, along with all the lessons I learned. When I stopped and took inventory, I clearly saw my own failures and mistakes as being some of the root causes of our split. Being able to learn those lessons was an essential part of my healing process.
I’ve come to a place, though, where I don’t dwell on the experience of my divorce – not the pain, the hurt, or what I lost. I spend no time looking backward. My focus today is on my future – raising two beautiful teenagers and my new marriage to Cristina. I left my divorce knowing what I was capable of, understanding what could not break me, and living with new self-confidence and resilience levels. Now, I’m focusing that energy forward into the days and years to come.
As you walk into this new year, that’s my challenge to each of you. Focus your energy on all the possibilities that 2021 holds, not what is past. Whatever 2020 brought you, it does not dictate your future. Those experiences don’t define you. They’re chapters in a book that is still being written, and YOU hold the pen.
The Takeaway
Happy New Year! As you enter 2021, dream big and write a fantastic story. Don’t let 2020 hold you back or make your dreams small. Lean into what matters – faith, family, friends – and be intentional every day to live in the moment and make your future your focus.
Past is past – nothing can be done to change it. The future is yours to create!
All through 2021, I’ll be sharing insights and encouragement like this to help all of us along the way. Subscribe here and connect to a steady flow of positivity for this coming year!
– John
P.S. If you haven’t already set your goals for 2021, here’s my goal setting tool to help you:
