It’s the name of my blog, but what’s behind the name? We all understand the concept of being stretched thin in life. Many of us, myself included, feel it every day. It’s creating a reality where the things that are most important to us are being hijacked by the unimportant. The downside? We’re being pulled into lives that resemble puddles – expansive but with no depth. That’s width.
Does this sound familiar? We’re getting pulled in a thousand directions, trying to be everything to everyone, not giving the things we value the most the attention they deserve. We’re “good” at many things, but not great at any of them. We’re leading lives where “good enough” ends up being good enough.
But is it really?
I’ve had this nagging feeling for a long time that good enough ISN’T good enough. What’s really pulling at me is that “good enough” isn’t the legacy I want to leave behind. I want more. You probably want more than that too. We’re chasing depth.
The past week has been very convicting for me. I’m blogging about depth, and I want depth in my life, but am I putting my energy where I need to in order to create it? As I’ve wrestled with this on a very personal level, I’ve realized a few things (some that were pretty convicting)…
I’m Not Defined By My Work
When I’m gone, a small number of people will remember where I worked or what I did. As much value as I put on my career today, and as much as I feel like the business I’m helping to build defines who I am, the harsh reality is that it doesn’t define me. I’ll ultimately be defined by things not tied in any way to my professional accomplishments.
Did I serve and lead my wife and kids at home? Was I there for my mom after my dad passed away? Was I a friend people could trust and count on? How did I impact my community? Those are the things that will define my legacy.
So let me get transparent for a second… That reality has been a tough pill to swallow. For someone who used to find much of my self-worth in peoples’ reactions to my work, the kudos and recognition, coming to grips with the idea that my work is JUST work has been challenging. It’s also forced me to look differently at the relationships I’m building through my work, seeking opportunities to create deeper connections with all of the people I’m blessed to connect with and trying to impact each of them positively. That’s depth.
Where I Spend My Time Tells The Real Story
Let’s take this conversation about depth a step further. I was challenged the other day during a leadership retreat to complete a quick inventory of where I spend my time. It was a brutal exercise. Looking at the things that I say I value, I was facing the reality that where I was spending my time didn’t always line up. I’m constantly trying to squeeze out another moment of productivity or work, anywhere I can. Looking at the things I value and where I spend my time, it was clear that I need to make some changes to stay plugged into the people and things I value most.
It starts with my faith, and making the time each day to weave that more into my life, not letting that slip. It’s making sure I’m spending time with my amazing wife (beyond the chores we do together on Saturdays) to get connected and let her know how much she matters. It’s putting my phone away at lacrosse games and making the most out of the car time I have with my kids traveling back and forth from rehearsals and practices. It’s dipping out early on Friday to be there for a friend who is navigating life’s challenges. And, it’s being efficient and focused with the hours I spend at work, not wasting a minute. Every moment is an opportunity to choose, and where I spend my time is a reflection of what I value. That’s depth.
Who (or What) Do I Love?
I love the people in my life. If I’m going to be honest, I love my work, too. As I was wrestling with the relationship I have with my work, another one of my friends put this question in front of me. “If your family asked you to, would you be willing to give up your business and choose them first?” Of course I would. The answer was easy… or at least it should have been.
To be completely transparent, that question created a lot of angst for me. Would I be willing to give up my business, something that I love dearly, for my family, the people that I love even more? What made my answer challenging to grapple with was this… I want both. Not one or the other. The idea of ever having to choose between the two tore me apart.
What I realized by doing this quick exercise was that I need to make sure things are balanced enough that I never have to make that choice. I can love my work, but I need to ensure that the people that I love, who are most important, know they’re loved and that they come first. That’s depth.
I Can’t Do It All
I started this blog by talking about being stretched thin, comparing that feeling to being as wide and deep as a puddle. Considering everything I’ve written about above, it may sound like the only option for creating depth in life is to give up your work and ambitions, and trade them in for your relationships. You can’t have both, can you?
Yes, you can. This journey, wrestling with depth, has led me to two big realizations. First, there are definitely some things that can and should be cut. As I shared in a past blog, everything you say yes to means you’re saying no to something else. You can’t do everything AND do it all well. So, with that in mind, I’ve had to start saying no and cutting some of the yes’s from my life.
Looking at the things you do hold on to, your yes’s, the second realization I’ve come to is that I need to continue to focus on finding the right people to help me rather than trying to carry the load alone. Every yes comes with responsibilities and to-do’s, and sometimes I need to ask for help and quit trying to do it all by myself.
With these two a-ha moments in mind, I’ve come to the conclusion that creating depth is an exercise in defining and protecting one’s priorities, AND finding a tribe with shared values who will help you achieve the legacy you’re trying to create. That’s depth.
The Takeaway
Looking at your life right now, in this moment, are you creating a puddle or something deeper? Ask yourself some of the questions I’ve been challenged with myself over the past few weeks, and take inventory of your own journey. Then, get committed to making some adjustments, knowing it is a process and not a switch you can simply flip.
Want Help Creating Depth in Your Own Life?
This blog is 100% focused on helping you to achieve that. As you can see above, creating a life of depth is a work in progress for me, and I’d love for you to be part of that journey. Subscribe today, and once each week I’ll share my own challenges and breakthroughs, hopefully helping and motivating you along the way. Looking forward to connecting with you! – John